


I will hold you tight (hold you tight and never let you go)

by roseyong



Category: TREASURE (Korea Band)
Genre: (but not actually jaehyuk is just infuriatingly dumb!), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Feels, Crying, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt No Comfort, Language of Flowers, M/M, Pining, Unrequited Love, also maybe jaehyuk too, he's the one doing the pining, i know i made sahi the sad one here but trust me it's rlly kyu, idk i'm rambling in the tags now okay bye, it's asahi, junkyu is an angry crier and i stand by that, marigolds yo, mashihoon if u squint lmao, pls give junkyu a hug, there is no happy ending and i am so sorry, there was abt 1k more to this but it didn't feel right, um lots of flashbacks bc idk how to write a fic without em, you know?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:54:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27206209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roseyong/pseuds/roseyong
Summary: Asahi thinks he's the luckiest man alive on earth for being able to love someone like Yoon Jaehyuk.No amount of throwing up marigold petals can change this.(A Jaesahi Hanahaki AU)
Relationships: Hamada Asahi/Yoon Jaehyuk, Kim Junkyu/Takata Mashiho
Comments: 6
Kudos: 75





	I will hold you tight (hold you tight and never let you go)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mangozaya](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mangozaya/gifts), [minjyasn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/minjyasn/gifts), [prembby](https://archiveofourown.org/users/prembby/gifts), [hwannies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hwannies/gifts).



> hey uhhhhh yeah i cannot explain this it just is what it is :))))
> 
> anyways, yeah, read the tags pls, unless u wanna have surprise hurt lol
> 
> okay i hope u enjoy this ! <3
> 
> WAIT CRAP PLS LISTEN TO Aimyon's "Marigold" B4 U READ THIS PLS PLS PLS (the fic's title is from the english ver of this song!)

“Huh?” Asahi whispers softly to himself, studying the orange petals that he cupped so gently within the palms of his hands, chest heaving from the effort that it took to dislodge them from his throat, something which wasn’t painful per se, but still not entirely painless either. “But I don’t-“

“Sahi-yah!” Junkyu calls out, pounding away on the bathroom door, startling Asahi, who jumps, “We gotta be at the skating rink in ten! Hurry up!” And for a second there, Asahi seriously considers telling the older boy about the predicament he’s suddenly found himself in and how he’s puking up flowers here in the cramped, water stained bathroom of the tiny little apartment that they call home. But since telling Junkyu would inevitably lead to a bunch of unnecessary drama on his behalf, he doesn’t, instead muttering an “okay hyung” as he tosses the petals into the waste bin, figuring that there’s no point in trying to hide their existence if Junkyu was bound to find out sooner or later, though Asahi prays for the latter of the two if he’s to be completely honest here. Because having to explain just _who_ exactly it was that he had fallen for _really_ wasn’t something that Asahi was looking forward to doing, as god only knew how Junkyu’s overdramatic ass would react-

“Asahi!”

“Coming!”

* * *

Well, apparently Asahi’s plans of telling Junkyu about this... _new development_ ...of his will be happening sooner than he had hoped for because as soon as they enter the skating rink, that same tickling sensation he’d felt no less than an hour ago returns full force. _Oh c’mon, gimme a break-_

“Mashi!” Junkyu happily cried out, shoving his way past Jihoon, who Asahi swears sees a flicker of hurt flash across his face, but since it’s gone just as fast as it had come, it’s probably nothing more than a trick of the light.

“Hyung!” Mashiho chirps back, a wide smile on his face, “I hope you don’t mind me bringing these two along,” Gesturing towards a now sulking Jihoon and terribly out of place Jaehyuk, who gives Asahi a shy smile upon catching him staring. Utterly unaware that he just so happened to be the one responsible for the orange flower petals littering his and Junkyu’s flooring back at home.

“Hey,” Jaehyuk says with a wave, his voice soft compared to the hustle and bustle of the skating rink, “How are you?” And Asahi finds the question unironically funny because, well, how could he not? After all, here he was, quite literally dying all thanks to unrequited love, but yeah, he’s doing good!

“I’m good,” Asahi replies as he tries his best not to wince, the dull ache in his chest only growing stronger with each passing minute, “You?” 

“I’m good-” But before Jaehyuk has the chance to finish his sentence, Asahi doubles over, slapping a hand to his mouth as he tries desperately to hold back his coughs, eyes screwing shut as he willed himself to breathe. _In and out and in and out._ Which, after a while, seems to work, as the itch eventually passes, Asahi’s cheeks burning as he forces himself to shoot Jaehyuk a weak smile, something he comes to regret as his chest tightens upon doing so. _Way to go, Asahi._

“Are you alright-”

“Oh my god! Asahi, are you okay?!” Junkyu’s voice completely drowning out Jaehyuk’s own, pushing him out of the way as he rushes to Asahi’s side, “Are you going to be sick? Do we need to go home??? I think that we have some Pepto Bismol at home -”

“Bathroom,” He croaks, eyes watery, his throat killing him, “Need the bathroom,” Junkyu wrapping an arm around Asahi’s waist as he helps walk him to the rink’s shitty public restroom. Though not before uttering something that Asahi can’t quite make out to the remaining trio, his mind too fuzzy to process sound, let alone words right now. _He’s probably just apologizing to Mashi for me ruining their date-_

“-yah? Earth to Asahi-yah?” Junkyu waving his hand in front of the blonde’s face, who’s frighteningly unresponsive—even for someone like himself. “You okay?” 

“Hm?” Asahi blinking a couple of times before promptly wrinkling his nose, the smell of piss and sweat making him slightly nauseous, but then again, that may just be the flowers that were currently threatening to force themselves up and out of his throat. “Sorry, what?”

“I said, are you okay-” But right as Asahi goes to open his mouth, the worst-case scenario just _has_ to happen. _No, no, no, please no-_

Asahi just barely making it over to the sink in time as the first petal spills past his lips, the blonde gripping so tightly onto the sink’s ledge that his fingertips were white from the pressure. His whole body aching as he hacks and hacks, bursts of orange coloring the porcelain below him like drops of blood in the snow. Shuddering as he took in deep lungfuls of precious oxygen before turning to Junkyu on shaky legs, the older boy’s eyes wide with both a mixture of horror and realization and Asahi can’t help but laugh. _You act like I’m a dying man hyung._

“Asahi-”

“I’m okay hyung,” He says, answering Junkyu’s question with the second biggest lie that he’s ever told in his life, the first being him claiming _not_ to be in love with Yoon Jaehyuk, “I’m okay.”

* * *

_“Sahi-yah!” Jahyuk’s eyes twinkling as he holds up the camera, “Smile!” Jaehyuk’s adorable dorkiness having Asahi roll his eyes, though he still plays along nonetheless, flashing the boy who owned his heart a small smile, his cheeks rosy from the sun._

_“Happy?” And Jaehyuk nods, the sea breeze ruffling his hair, and for some reason, Asahi feels like crying, which is stupid, yes, but something about the way that Jaehyuk’s smiling at him just hurts. “Good,” Asahi swallowing down the lump in his throat as he tears his eyes away from Jaehyuk’s._

_“Sahi-yah,” Jaehyuk says again, but Asahi doesn’t dare look up, simply keeping his gaze set on the sand beneath his bare feet. Silently grateful for the sound of seagulls squawking in the clear blue sky up above, as it conveniently filled in the awkward silence that had lapsed between him and Jaehyuk._

_“Hm?” He mumbles, Asahi’s breath catching in his throat as Jaehyuk steps closer, taking the younger’s hand in his, “Wha-”_

_“I love you Sahi-yah,”_

* * *

“Were,” Junkyu pauses, drawing in a shaky breath, licking his lips, “Were you ever going to tell me?” The deafening silence that stretches between him and the Japanese boy wordlessly answering his question, Asahi not quite meeting his eyes as he does a sort of half-shrug. Both of them choosing _not_ to acknowledge the fact that the orange petals that Asahi had thrown up on their way home had come up bloody and bruised.

“Yeah,” He mumbles softly, “But not this soon.” The older boy’s heart as good as shattered when he hears how Asahi’s voice cracks, obviously just as scared as Junkyu is. His hands balled into fists at his side as he waited for Junkyu to say something— _anything._

“Oh, oh Sahi,” Junkyu not even thinking twice about pulling the younger into his arms, which was seemingly all that it took for Asahi’s resolve to crumble. The occasional shudder being the only indication that Asahi was even crying, Junkyu’s shoulder becoming damp with tears. _I’m so sorry, Sahi-yah. I’m so so sorry._

“Hyung,” Asahi whispers, somehow managing to press his body even closer to Junkyu’s, his words muffled, _“Hyung, I’m going to die.”_ Junkyu's own eyes growing watery at Asahi’s more than heartbreaking admission, his hands entangled in the soft fabric of Asahi’s hoodie, holding on tightly as if he fears the blonde will slip between his fingers lest he's not careful enough.

“Shhh,” He murmurs, “It's okay, Asahi-yah, it's okay," Junkyu assuring not only Asahi but also himself, “You’re not gonna die, I promise Sahi-yah, I promise.”

* * *

_“Jaehyuk-ah,” Asahi playing with Jaehyuk’s fingers as they cuddled, Jaehyuk having called in sick to work when Asahi had texted him about feeling down earlier that morning, “What’s your favorite flower?”_

_And Jaehyuk laughs_ , _a sound that Asahi doesn’t think he could ever possibly grow tired of hearing, the older boy leaning his head on Asahi’s shoulder as he does so. “My favorite flower?”_

_“Yeah,” Asahi nods, suddenly feeling quite foolish for even asking, “What’s your favorite flower?” Repeating the question as his cheeks burn red, Asahi’s heart skipping a beat as Jaehyuk rubs his thumb over his knuckles, an action that only serves to make his cheeks burn even redder._

_“Uhhh,” Jaehyuk’s brows furrowing as he thinks on it, “I actually don’t know,” He sheepishly admits, “But what about you? What’s yours?”_

_“Marigolds,” Asahi replies without a moment’s hesitation, a wave of embarrassment washing over him when he realizes just how quickly it was that he answered. ”I, uh, I really like marigolds, I guess,”_

_“Oh?” Jaehyuk’s curiosity now piqued, “And why’s that?”_

_“I don’t know,” Asahi says, rolling his eyes as he nudges Jaehyuk’s foot with his own, “They just are.” And Jaehyuk whines, but he thankfully doesn’t press any further, too absorbed with whatever’s on the tv screen to do so. Asahi smiling softly to himself as he leans into Jaehyuk’s warmth, because maybe, just maybe, this is what true happiness feels like._

_But even if it’s not, just simply being able to live in this little world that they’ve crafted for themselves—a world that’s only inhabited by the two of them—is just as good._

_(Why are marigolds my favorite flower, you ask? That’s simple—it’s because they remind me of you, Jaehyuk-ah.)_

* * *

“Who...who is it?” Junkyu asks him a few days later, finally having mustered up the courage to ask the question that Asahi knew would be coming sooner or later. And the Japanese boy looks down at his plate of half-eaten takeaway, not wanting to see Junkyu’s expression when he answers. As he knows full well that Junkyu would only blame himself for his current condition upon finding out just _who_ exactly it was that was responsible for the flowers currently blooming inside of Asahi’s lungs.

“Jaehyuk,” Asahi murmured, and when Junkyu didn't answer, he spoke louder. "It's Jaehyuk."

A confession that has Junkyu cursing underneath his breath before he makes a strangled sort of noise in the back of his throat, pressing the palms of his hands against his eyes with a shaky inhale.

“Hyung, I’m-” Junkyu swatting Asahi’s hand away with a glare, his lower lip quivering.

“Don’t you dare say that you’re okay!” Asahi wincing at just how pained Junkyu’s voice sounds, “You could die from this Asahi! You could die!”

“But I won’t-”

“But you could!” Junkyu sniffled softly as he angrily wiped at his eyes. “...And I don’t want you to... _I don’t want you to die….”_

“...I’m not going to die, hyung,” His voice barely above a whisper, “I’ll be okay, I promise-”

“Shut up!” Junkyu cries, slamming his hand down on the table, takeout boxes clattering to the floor below, “Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!”

“Hyung-”

“I’m not stupid, Asahi!” The older boy hiccups, a pitiful sound that only succeeds in tugging at Asahi’s heartstrings even more, “I know that you won’t be getting that damned surgery, I know!”

“I-”

“Don’t lie to me!” Junkyu’s tears falling freely now, _“Please, please don’t lie to me….”_

“I…” And Asahi hates that there’s no way to make what he’s about to say next any less painful, “I’m sorry Junkyu-hyung, I just...I just-”

“You just what?” A slight tremor to Junkyu’s voice, and it’s evident that he already knows, or has at least figured it out by now, “You just what Asahi?”

“I just can’t,” Asahi softly admits, looking down at his hands, _“I just can’t get the surgery-”_

“Yes, you can!” Junkyu all but screams at him, the blonde’s eyes widening when he sees the anger swirling about in those dark eyes of his, “Why would you willingly let yourself die for someone who will never, ever, love you?!” Those words of his being the slap of reality that Asahi hadn’t realized he needed to “feel” until now. _Ouch, that hurt._

Something which Asahi supposes must show on his face, as Junkyu immediately apologizes, stumbling over his words in his haste. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, Asahi, I didn’t mean-”

“It’s okay, hyung,” And it _is_ okay. In fact, it was precisely what he _needed_ to hear, seeing as Asahi hadn't let the truth reach his heart until someone had finally said it aloud. “Why apologize for speaking the truth?” Asahi shooting Junkyu a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes, his chest aching with every breath that he took, the marigolds that had taken root within him only growing stronger by the day.

“Asahi, you know I didn’t-”

“It’s okay, hyung. I needed to hear that,” Junkyu cringing when Asahi pauses to cough, quickly averting his eyes when the younger hacks up a few petals into the palm of his hand, “Really, I did.”

_(Unrequited love may hurt, yes, but to ask Asahi to give up on loving the person who’s the very reason he looks forward to each and every new day? Yeah, that’s a whole different kind of hurt.)_

* * *

_“Hey, Jaehyuk?” The two of them sprawled out under the stars on a bedsheet that Asahi had stolen from Junkyu’s laundry when the older wasn’t looking. “What do you think love tastes like?”_

_“Love?” Jaehyuk frowns, and Asahi nods, tearing his gaze away from the taller’s lips upon being caught staring, blush coloring his cheeks. “I think it tastes like honey.”_

_“Like honey?”_

_“Yeah,” Jaehyuk says, the twinkling of galaxies long lost reflecting in his eyes, “I bet love tastes like eating honey straight off the spoon.”_

_“Really?” Asahi asks, quieter this time, Jaehyuk interlacing their hands together with a low hum._

_“Really.”_

* * *

Contrary to what his actions may suggest, Asahi _isn’t_ stupid.

He knows that his days are numbered; he knows that this disease will eventually be the death of him, _he knows._

Junkyu’s pleas for him to go through the surgery falling upon deaf ears as Asahi grows weaker and weaker each day, the marigolds inside him slowly but surely suffocating him as they thrived off of his unrequited love.

“It’s okay,” Asahi would say, brushing aside Junkyu’s concerns with the confidence of a dying man, “I’ll be okay hyung, there’s no need to worry.” Though that obviously does little to assuage the older’s worries, because, well, how could it? _Asahi was dying before his very eyes, and here he was, unable to do a single damn thing…._

“But-”

“I love you hyung,” Asahi sidestepping Junkyu in a way that doesn’t even feel like he’s avoiding the question he’s _that_ natural, “It’s late. You should get some rest, okay?”

“Okay,” Junkyu swallows thickly, adam’s apple bobbing uneasily, “Oh, and Asahi?” The blonde pausing as he heads for his bedroom, hand resting on the doorframe as he waits for Junkyu to speak, “I love you too.”

* * *

_“What was your first kiss like?” Jaehyuk asks out of the blue. He and Asahi sat side by side on Jihoon’s shitty second-hand couch, the air smelling of Mashiho’s cheap cigarettes and strawberry vodka mixed with a hint of something more. Something that Asahi can only assume is the aftermath of sex. Or not. It’s not like he would know what that smells like._

_“My first kiss?” Asahi staring down into his now half-empty solo cup with a grimace, his nose scrunching. “Um, well...I’ve never actually had my first kiss,” Laughing somewhat nervously as he raises his cup to his lips, the slightly nauseating taste of whiskey burning his throat in a way that’s all too familiar to him._

_“You haven’t?” Jaehyuk sitting up a little bit straighter now, his cheeks rosy, eyes glazed over, “That’s...that’s...wow.”_

_And Asahi snorts, taking one more sip of whatever the hell this was that Jihoon had thrown together before continuing. “It’s wow?”_

_“Well, yeah-”_

_“Jaehyuk-ah, I love you, but me still not having experienced my first kiss at the age of twenty-two is anything but wow.”_

_“But it is!” Jaehyuk protests, setting his own cup down, “You’re lucky, Asahi!”_

_“I’m not but-”_

_“Yes, you are!” The blonde suddenly very much aware of just how close Jaehyuk is to him now. Praying to all that’s holy that he doesn’t throw up, as Jaehyuk seems to only be inching closer. “I had my first kiss in a bathroom stall at some random strip mall,”_

_“I-”_

_“So don’t you even think about complaining, Sahi-yah,” Jaehyuk childishly whining when Asahi laughs, “Shut up! It’s not funny!”_

_“Sorry, sorry,” Though he doesn’t sound sorry at, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, “But still, I do wish that I could experience my first kiss before….” Asahi trails off, realizing that he’s said a little bit too much, taking another sip of his drink before clearing his throat, “Anyways, yeah, I’d give anything to experience my first kiss.”_

_“Wait, what were you saying before?” But Asahi just waves him off, muttering something about that being irrelevant as he goes to rise from the couch, seeing as his legs were beginning to fall asleep by now._

_“Nothing Jae, it’s nothing,” And Asahi’s about to offer to refill Jaehyuk’s drink when a hand grabs him by the wrist, pulling him back down onto the couch with a soft thump. Asahi letting out a startled yelp as Jaehyuk draws him closer, his heart threatening to beat right out of his chest as he does so._

_“Jaehyuk-”_

_“I’ll be your first kiss,” Jaehyuk blurts out, and Asahi swears he’s died and gone to heaven because there’s just no way that this is real. There’s just simply no way-_

_“Okay,” He replies, quick, yes, but he knows that without a doubt that this is 100% what he wants. Hell, it’s all he’s ever wanted and more. “I mean yes, I’d like that very much-”_

_Jaehyuk cutting Asahi off with a kiss to the lips, Asahi's eyes widening momentarily before he melts into it, the blonde doing his best to push away all rationality as he cupped Jaehyuk’s cheeks, deepening their kiss despite his inexperience._

_"Wow," Is all that Jaehyuk says when they finally break apart, both panting, yes, but still smiling like the two lovestruck teens that they were at heart, "Just wow."_

_(And it’s in this moment that Asahi knows he can die a happy man.)_

* * *

The hype behind a person’s last words had always been something that Asahi found to be so incredibly stupid.

His nose upturned in distaste, the blonde clicking his tongue with a roll of his eyes as his professor rambled on about the significance of Edgar Allan Poe’s last words. His peers listening with rapt attention, eyes wide as they scribbled down this and that in their notes.

_“How stupid,”_ He’d thought back then, sighing as he watched the hands of the clock chug along, completely bored out of his mind, _“Last words are so stupid...hell, I’ll purposefully have my last words be something dumb, just for the fun of it.”_

But now, as Asahi lay dying, his heart aching as those damned flowers dealt their final blow, bloodied marigolds fanning out around him like a halo, he’s beginning to think otherwise. 

“Hey, Jaehyuk-ah?” His breathing ragged, chest struggling to rise and fall, “You know, you never did ask me what I think love tastes like,” Letting out a bitter laugh before he dissolves into yet another coughing fit, signaling that the end was drawing near. _Better make this quick then, I guess._

_“I didn’t?”_ Asahi humming as he closes his eyes, sighing softly, _“I’m sorry, Sahi-yah,”_

“It’s okay. I forgive you, Jaehyuk-ah,” And Jaehyuk laughs, reaching a hand out to grab Asahi’s own, unable to stop the tears that rolled down his cheeks. “I forgive you.”

_“Don’t cry, Sahi-yah, it’s okay,”_ Jaehyuk whispers, using his free hand to wipe away Asahi’s tears gently, _“You’re okay-”_

“I think that love tastes like you, Jaehyuk-ah,” Asahi murmurs, and it’s the truth. Because to him, Jaehyuk _does_ taste like love.

_“Really?”_

“Yeah, really," Drawing in a shuddery breath before smiling for one last time, “Oh, and one more thing Jaehyuk-ah,”

_“Yes? What is it, Sahi-yah?”_

“I love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> *bashes head against the wall over and over again* i am suffering but now u are too—i hope u understood the ending bc i tried to make it clear what was happening but also uhh i finished this at 3 am so rip idk if it worked 
> 
> okay but on a more serious note, i hope u guys enjoyed this fic! it was written on a whim and it's only seeing the light of day thanks to the endless support of the sometimes chaotic groupchat i'm in !!! 
> 
> yep yep maybe i'll post the little epilogue thingy i wrote idk okay bye comments n kudos are v much appreciated ! <3
> 
> find me on twitter @catboyharuto !!!


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